Ask yourself: What is actually bothering me about this?

Pick a calm moment, sit down with each other “and ask what this is really about,” said Talal Alsaleem, a couples counselor from Rosedale, Calif. Both people should get a chance to share their perspectives without interruption. “I give notepads to my clients,” he said, “so if they’re really dying to comment on what their partner is saying, they can write it down.”