Talking about boundaries in a relationship can be tough, especially since it can feel like you’re telling your partner to back off. But it definitely doesn’t have to be done in a harsh way, or result in a negative experience.

In fact, talking about your boundaries — and asking your partner about theirs — is actually really healthy. “Boundaries can be physical, emotional, financial, etc.,” therapist Dr. Talal H. Alsaleem, PsyD, LMFT, tells Bustle. “Having these conversations helps couples understand and anticipate what is expected of them, which can reduce the amount of unintentional hurt they can cause to their partner due to a lack of information.”